cannonalexander

I thought I might write about a feeling I have been trying to find a word to describe. I’ve been pondering it off and on for a long time. It’s a very specific feeling, one that is often produced by looking at pictures like this:

It is often (but not always) space-themed images, ones that compose different pieces of geometry, outer space, colors, and humans in different ways. It isn’t only triggered by photos, either. The first photo is from The Glitch Mob’s album Drink The Sea, and many of the songs there produce this feeling. The second photo is an album from Zoogma – A Future in Blue.

Another one is the music used in VSauce videos, Jake Chudnow’s [Going Down](https://youtu.be/Q47b507vg). In that same vein, many of the VSauce, VSauce 2, and VSauce 3 channels create the feeling.

The video game Stray evokes the same response, as does Outer Wilds.

I have thought many times about how to describe the feeling in words, but it is difficult. It is sort of like the classical definition of “awe” mixed with sonder. It is the feeling of growing larger than your mind, your ego, your consciousness. While I have not done any psychedelics, I might imagine it is similar to the ideas of “ego-death” or the sort of “mind-expansion” my friends have talked about. It is sort of like standing in front of something that would evoke terror, but feeling comforted and loved. It is like facing down an endlessly dark void, a chasm in the depths of the ocean or space, and feeling a positive push instead of a negative pull. Perhaps there are some feelings of adventure in there too?

Anyway, maybe this is so obvious and I’m just describing something like frisson or wanderlust, but those don’t really seem to capture what I’m talking about.

Any thoughts?

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Day 21 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done!

I’m traveling today. By plane! I haven’t been on a plane since pre-pandemic days. I’m finding myself to both have more and less anxiety about it than I thought. I wanted to get something out before I flew in case I was too tired to write after I land, so this will be quite short. Maybe I’ll update this post or publish a new one today after I arrive. Who knows!

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Day 20 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge!

I try not to hate too much. But I really dislike fireworks. In the right context, when I’m far enough away, they’re alright at times.

But when people set them off in the parking lot next to an apartment building full of people, it’s awful. Besides one potentially hitting a building, there are lots of people who suffer from disorders made bad by setting off fireworks.

Anyway. That’s all I got for today.

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Day 19 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done!

So, I have been thinking about bullet journaling a lot, because I think it is a viable method for helping me become more mindful and organized.

One thing I have been running in to is this question of whether or not to keep certain things out of the notebook. One scenario is using a notebook only for the bullet journaling part, with tasks, migrations, etc. Another notebook is used for long-form journaling and writing.

However, I think—for me—having everything in one notebook is better. It has the following advantages:

• I don’t have to worry about where to put some new information or thought. It’s easier.
• I can see thoughts in the context of what I did during the day, potentially drawing cause and effect. It’s better.
• It’s more authentic to how my life ends up actually going. It also is interspersed with notes and learnings that serve as mental anchors to help me remember things more.

I don’t know, when I was learning about BuJo initially, it was hard to get past all the pretty looking spreads and just find something that worked. I was recommended the book by Ryder Carroll and his YouTube videos, and they really set the stage for my use. I would highly recommend watching and reading before joining the online discourse on Reddit, Twitter, etc.

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Day 17 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge!

Today I baked some bread! I really thought I screwed it up, but it turned out okay! I used a recipe from The Korean Vegan this time, the first recipe I have tried out of the book.

Pictures:

I’m no food artist obviously. There was little rise in the bread, but for a minimal knead dough, I think it tastes great.

Oh also, this morning I made waffles:

These posts have really been minimal effort. I am just trying to make it through this challenge at this point. But I am loving it!

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Day 16 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge.

This is a stream of consciousness post.

There is a black hanging fan covered in dust on its front grate. There is wood that has been clearly punished by the elements. There are rusted pieces of iron hanging and bolted in the wood. The rain gutter is patina’d and rusting. The pavement is cracked and scattered with marks. The floor slopes unevenly, first up then down, it is charming.

The imperfection is a testament to humanity. It is a push against the overengineering. Yet engineering is also beautiful. It is also a testament to human ingenuity and intelligence. But maybe it is a stepping stone. An idea and a path toward something bigger.

There is dust in many places. Sootsprites or susuwatari from Ghibli.

The consciousness was pretty short today.

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Day 15 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge.

I learned something new today. I read an article that addressed the idea of using Tetris to help as a sort of “trauma first aid toolkit”. This was something that I had heard before, and I took at face value. It made sense that, after a potentially traumatic event, a distraction like Tetris could be helpful in easing the force of feeling. I could even rationalize that it was perhaps repetitive enough to facilitate progress and a feeling of advancement, while being stimulating enough to interfere with trauma-related thought patterns.

However, this doesn’t seem to be the case.

In yet another case of science reporting gone wrong, it seems that the “quick fix” of installing Tetris on your phone in case of unexpected trauma was more appealing than our current science suggests.

A multitude of studies—some individual and some meta-analyses—make a strong case that there are no real effects from Tetris use in individuals with PTSD. The article pretty thoroughly rebukes this hypothesis.

Science is complicated and messy. Reporting it is difficult, because one has to strike a balance between the “truth”, and portraying those ideas in an accessible way. Very difficult. I will surely write more about this in the future.

In any case, I learned something new today! Hopefully you did too.

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Day 14 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge!

Suggested listening: Knife Party – “Begin Again”.

Well, I am back. I fell off the wagon, but I’m starting again. I know people say that you don’t have to announce your comings and goings, the Internet is not an airport. But eh, this is mostly stream of consciousness anyway.

My life has changed drastically over the last few months. I moved to a new apartment, I started many new hobbies, and I have been healing my traumas. For the first time in my life, even though I’m not where I want to be, I am starting to be consistently happy. Younger me literally thought this was forever impossible.

I also want to participate more in this community. The Mastodon instance is nice but I am new to it. Since Reddit has decided to destroy their website, I am looking to fill the void that the small pool of curated communities helped fill in my life.

Here’s to getting back on the wagon. To channeling the beginner’s mind.

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Day 13 of the #100DaysToOffload! I started at the beginning of this year, so I still have time!