In many animals—like dogs, cats, birds, etc.— what we think of as the “knees” are actually the ankles! These animals have digitigrade locomation. That means they walk around on their toes as opposed to the flat parts of their feet (metatarsals) plus their toes (like humans, which is known as plantigrade locomation). That means your cat is literally tip-toeing when it sneaks up on you!

Here is an example image from Wikipedia:

Anyway, interesting stuff!

Day 31 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done!

Apparently it is often used as a phrase, sort of like “odds and ends” but “flotsam and jetsam.” But there is a distinction:

Flotsam is defined as debris in the water that was not deliberately thrown overboard, often as a result from a shipwreck or accident. Jetsam describes debris that was deliberately thrown overboard by a crew of a ship in distress, most often to lighten the ship's load.

This distinction is important because flotsam can be claimed by the original owner of the debris, while jetsam can be claimed as property of whoever ends up discovering it.

So, I guess the moral of story is, if you think you’re going down, then hold on to as much stuff as you can? Nah, that can’t be right…

Day 30 of #100DaysToOffload challenge! Almost 1/3 done.

Basically, there was a teenage girl with cancer named Esther who was a nerdfighter (the name of the vlogbrothers community). Unfortunately she succumbed to the cancer, but before she died, she wanted to name a holiday in which everyone was told their loved ones that they loved them. It came from the fact that often Hank and John wouldn’t say “I love you” after talking on the phone, despite wanting to. It is a phenomenal idea that I wish got more attention.

This is almost a cliché at this point, but the Ancient Greeks had various words for “love.” I try to tell my loved ones that I love them as often as I can, simply because I try to not take each day for granted. I often fail at this, but I’m trying.

Here, I want to express a sort of love for anyone reading this blog. I really feel like I’m shouting into the void here (and likely shouting at whatever LLM scrapes my writings and further destroys the creativity of our magnificent species), but I still want to say—in the ξενία or ἀγάπη sense—to whoever finds this:

I love you. If you’re feeling bad, or sad, or angry, remember that no feeling is final, and that will pass. Remember that if you’re feeling happy, or content, or joyful, that no feeling is final, and that will pass. Endure the bad, and enjoy the good. Even at the bleakest moments, the clock will tick forward, and you and your environment will change.

You got this.

I love you.

P.S.: Esther’s family started a cancer society called This Star Won’t Go Out. It’s a great charity, consider donating if you can.

P.P.S.: That' “no feeling is final” bit is from one of my favorite speedrun explainers Tomatoanus. He has built a wonderful community, check him out too if you like.

Day 29 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge is done :)

I go back and forth on whether I feel comfortable and happy with more or less stuff. Minimalism has obvious strengths, but weaknesses too. I want to explore the topic more in a future post. For now, I wanted to share an idea I had.

I have a box full of little things that I don’t really want to keep, but also seem valuable. I was trying to figure out what to do with them, when I happened across a page in Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones. One chapter is about how writers write about the ordinary, about things other people rarely pay attention to. They have the fresh eyes of a tourist in an ordinary place.

This gave me the idea to write about each of the items/trinkets in a way that gives them some dignity and integrity before donating or discarding them. Perhaps a paragraph and a portrait will consecrate the object in the disposable world we struggle in. Who knows, we’ll see how it goes!

Day 28 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge, in the books!

I have written before about how to reframe “falling off the wagon,” but I can’t help but think it is incomplete. Once again, in some habits I am trying to build, I have broken my streak. I am trying to figure out what best to do to rectify this. The situation brings up a philosophical question for me, but it also provides an opportunity to re-evaluate my methods and make changes.

Philosophy, yo

Broadly, I am struggling with balancing self-love and self-discipline. Growing up, I was surrounded by the American ideal that way “the self-made man,” and a large part of that was an iron will that lead to unbreakable discipline.

In sports, you always gave it your all until the very end. You attended practice every day unless you were actively dying. Constant work on improvements day in and day out lead to bigger improvements by the end of the season.

Largely in reaction to my childhood (I think?), I developed a different theory for how best to improve myself post-college. It involved acceptance and love, and finding ways to gently encourage the continuation of a habit without simply “the sweat of the brow” (man, there are a lot of phrases and idioms regarding self-discipline).

Anyway, nowadays I’m tempted to think that maybe there is more to the story. Really, when isn’t there more to the story?

We know the brain really hates change. It’s lazy, that’s how it evolved to be so impressive. Change inherently goes against the nature of the brain. However, there are times—such as during a hyperfixation—where I am engrossed in the subject matter, and learning regardless of the difficulty to my brain. So, obviously, it is possible to learn and develop that way.

So what happens when I want to learn or become proficient in something that isn’t a hyperfixation? I guess that is where the discipline would come in. Or I would have to accept that the activity isn’t something I would become proficient in.

A method to the madness

Relying entirely on self-love and acceptance isn’t working, it seems. The quesiton now becomes how do I balance the incorporation of self-discipline into my existing practice of self-love. I think that’s a tough question, and obviously will be different for different people.

I have thought about some options for improving my habit-formation, regardless of the self-discipline question:

• Re-evaluate the cognitive load: Perhaps I am a bit too ambitious in some of my habit goals. I haven’t written anything concrete out regarding my habit plans, so perhaps I am subconsciously biting off more than I can chew.
• Addressing the mental game: Unfortunately, I have this problem where, when I begin to make small progress on a goal, I suddenly become acutely aware of my mortality and how little time I have left in this life to get “good” at what I’m doing. Addressing this is likely tied in to my meditation practice, but if anyone has ideas on how to progress peacefully, I’m all ears.
• Involve other people: I have noticed I do a lot better at consistency when I involve others. Something about the social network effect really works for my brain, and so perhaps tying in my goals with others, or even just telling people that I have a goal, would be a boon to my productivity.

These were the top three things I came up with to try for my next go around at habit formation. Who knows, maybe for me, it will just take a few rounds (with breaks) before my habits stick.

Day 27 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done!

On his deathbed he began to cry uncontrollably and his students and disciples tried hard to comfort him. They asked him, “Rabbi, why do you weep? You are almost as wise as Moses, you are almost as hospitable as Abraham, and surely heaven will judge you favourably.”

Zusya answered them: “It is true. When I get to heaven, I won’t worry so much if God asks me, ‘Zusya, why were you not more like Abraham?’ or ‘Zusya, why were you not more like Moses?’  I know I would be able to answer these questions.  After all, I was not given the righteousness of Abraham or the faith of Moses but I tried to be both hospitable and thoughtful.  But what will I say when God asks me, ‘Zusya, why were you not more like Zusya?’

I agree with many others who view this as a call to action. The action of putting our uniqueness, our individuality, and our truest selves confidently and proudly into the world. It is a call to act with integrity and authenticity.

I frequently come back to this telling. It really resonates with me, especially as I have been spending the last few years on a true identity-finding safari. Frequently reflecting on stories like this is invaluable, I think. Even though we might “know” the moral behind the story (and heard it a thousand times), sometimes you need that repetition for it to really sink in.

Thanks for reading everyone <3

Day 26 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done :)

I am pretty introverted normally. But, I crave social interaction. Improv, and being unable to think about my words before I say them, was one of the scariest things I ever signed up for. But I’m so glad that I did. It has pushed me farther than most anything else. It has also shown me that opening up, and being vulnerable in front of strangers is actually liberating.

The beginning is scary. It’s terrifying opening up and being vulnerable in reality. Until it happens to you. And then to the person next to you. And next to you. And you see, maybe for the first time, how universal your experiences and feelings and fears and hopes are. The head nods that come from even a simple sentence jolt through your body like lightening.

Once that happens, any gunk clogging your brain-pipes or kinks in your mind-grapes are vanquished, and something deeper springs forth. We talk about group-mind a lot in improv. It’s sort of woo-woo, but it really feels special when you connect subconsciously with those around you. It is spiritual in a very real sense.

You’re probably thinking, “Man, he’s really drunk the Kool-Aid.” BoJack Horseman had a whole episode about this.

And yeah, you’re right.

But, at least where I’m at, the environment is so inclusive and welcoming, and relentlessly supportive that, personally, I’m fine with that. The connotation of “kool-aid” is negative: a denial of reality. But really, it’s more about seeing through the veneer of social rules we live in constantly. It’s breaking down our walls to connect to others. Which is scary. But liberating.

If you have ever thought about improv, I strongly suggest you give it a try. If you can afford a class (most places will have a class that gives you a taste of their curriculum), then give it a try. And really commit to it. It will feel weird, probably excessively so at first. But if you can push through that and accept your goofy, awkward, uncomfortable inner child, then maybe you’ll find the same liberation that I did.

Gluglugluglugluglug…

Day 25 (quarter done!) of the #100DaysToOffload challenge complete.

Day 24 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge DONE.

I have just finished the Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle.

I loved it.

While I would normally form these thoughts into paragraphs and possibly include headings and the like, I am going to simply list my thoughts (sort of like Vonnegut!):

• I especially like knowing where ice-nine comes from. I have seen that reference many times before, and vaguely knew it was from Vonnegut. But understanding the whole story, and the allegory it provides, was really delightful.
• I enjoyed how quick a read it was. Vonnegut has a quick and easy-to-understand writing style, that especially serves his satire well. As someone who is easing back into reading consistently, it is especially nice to finish books on the quicker side to gain momentum.
• The obvious reference to the Manhattan Project and the creation of the atom bomb was fine. I feel like sometimes satire simply cannot age well because writers underestimate both how intelligent humans are and how reckless we can be. While the atomic bomb is seriously one of the scariest inventions we’ve made that could end our species, we’re now dealing with a polycrisis. People are becoming (or have become) numb to total annihilation by war, climate change, societal collapse, etc. Perhaps this would have hit harder during a more optimistic time.
• Side note: the term polycrisis is having a bit of a resurgence nowadays. Apparently it gained its recent popularity from the WEF at Davos (blerg) this year. However, a French sociologist named Edgar Morin created it. This is an interesting introduction to his work and where to read more. The description of his writings piqued my interest.
• The actual “cat’s cradle” reference as a metaphor for the falseness of our social constructs was fun. We give meaning to things that have no meaning, and desperately seek narrative or metaphor to make sense of the random chaos that is life. Another example is the Grandfalloon, and the meaningless associations that we give some level of cosmic importance to.
• The overall “vibe” of the novel seemed as such: bit off more than it could chew. It seemed to cover all sorts of topics, but none adequately. It came close to making a point. Sometimes, it made a point, but extremely bluntly and in one sentence. As someone who is used to reading books with more ~ pomp and circumstance ~, this was a stylistic adjustment. However, I think it really fully reflects the message of the book, which is that our existential angst comes from the fact that our consciousness makes us bite off more than we can chew.
• The ending is extremely abrupt. I expected some level of closure, but found none. A sort of meta-existentialism, which was uncomfortable at first. Upon reflection, I really enjoy that decision, as it ties in with the rest of the book.

Overall, a phenomenal book, and one that I think will become more impactful for me as I age.

Day 23 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done!

I just got back from five days in California. And I gotta tell ya, it was awesome.

As a midwesterner, the coasts are such a nice vacation. California, in particular, gets shit-talked a lot in the circles I run in. But it feels worlds away. It is easy to forget how huge America really is, and spending time so far away really can unclog one’s mind.

The purpose of the trip was to visit family, and that was nice. It was a bit much, too. But nice.

We spent some time in Sacramento, then a few days in Napa Valley. I’m not a big wine guy, so some of the tasting was lost on me. However, I learned a lot about the chemistry and ecology that goes into growing wine, and that was illuminating.

Spending time among the lush hills and small towns was fun. There is something that is grounding about places with less people.

Many of the restaurants we visited were reminiscent of older decades, and seeing the juxtaposition between buildings almost 100 years old and new boutique shopping stores evokes a very specific feeling for me. I’m not sure what to call it exactly, but it’s pleasant.

Day 22 of the #100DaysToOffload challenge done!